i thought i'd share just a bit of the letter with you. maybe you're where i am...
"...the Spirit wants to dwell in our love and desire. He YEARNS JEALOUSLY for that spot of friendship and communion and captivation.
the Spirit is RELENTLESSLY yearning.
as we pursue avenues of selfishness, His grace not only forgives our feeble attempts to fill ourselves but also ENABLES us to turn to God in submission.
we have to take our hearts back. we are not wholehearted...there are inklings of the devil's lies that we allow to make homes in our hearts. we believe that the longings we have are just made up and there's not much more to God than being solid in theology and applying that to every area of our lives. to purify our hearts, we must agree with the Father and pursue Him deeply in honest reality.
we must turn to him, be honest, and let go of what we hold as valuable in our hearts in order for Him to come in and capture our gaze.
we trick ourselves into being satisfied with what is around us at the moment. yet the Spirit still yearns. this is the longing inside us for something more that we cannot give language to, that we cannot escape, that we cannot deny as real reality.
will we have the courage to follow God to that place? to ask God to reveal His heart and love to us and to give us the power to live out those things that move the heart of God? or do we not believe that He will make us to know real wisdom? we can deny all of that and say...look around, look at all i have, all of my ministries, all of my work for God. we can pay judas 30 pieces of silver. we can be a puppet, a mouthpiece of the enemy, a pawn in the religious game of what christianity has become.
God is not opposed to or even indifferent to our emotions. He has...tailored each to His heart for us. if we are involved with our heart and God is not the partner, we are looking for trouble in all forms (whether it's getting attached to something or giving a shelf for the enemy to store his books on our heart).
the key element...give God your heart for real...to change where you've believed lies and to be encouraged where you have embraced the truth.
our hearts are not on the table before the Lord. when we hear His whispers, we shove them aside because we don't want to re-hash anything that we have given home to in our hearts.
waste everything to get there and stay there!
find Him in the beauty of HOLINESS."