Saturday, July 26, 2008

i'm about to break one of my ultimate rules in blogging.  
i'm a rebel.  sue me.

what is this rule you ask?
if you haven't noticed, i never post anything on my blog about relationships.  

reason number 1. i haven't had a date in cough...4 years. 

reason number 2. (and this is the actual real reason)  i think it's pathetic when people use their blogs to whine and cry about their love lives...or lack thereof.

sorry if that's harsh, but it's the way i feel...thus the rule. 

but we're going to commence breaking...

so my little brother got married today.  i hear it...the whispers...i see it...the confused looks on your faces.  i thought renee was an only child you're saying to yourself.  i am.  jim and i adopted each other a long time ago.  he doesn't have a sister, i don't have a brother...we became bubby and sissy.  it works...don't judge.
anyway, jim and christy are super cute and moving on into the next chapter of their lives together.  the wedding was beautiful, the cake was delicious, and i brought home a fun package of wildflower seeds that says something a little cheesy like love blooms here or something along that line...

i have to confess something, with gritted teeth...sometime during the middle of the ceremony, my eyes wandered around the sanctuary and i thought to myself...and to God...ummm...when's it going to be my turn?  i'm 27 here, God.  not gettin' any younger.  

just about that time, pastor jeremy started in on the vows...you know the ones...

"i, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

i've always thought that these were the most romantic words ever on the face of this planet.  i mean, girls, didn't we have this memorized when we were still really little kids playing wedding?  don't we dream of the day when some man will say those magical words to us while we're standing in a ginormous white princess dress?  c'mon you single chicks out there...i know you do.  i'll even confess, i do as well.
today however, i was struck at the seriousness of those words.  i mean, i've thought about it before, but not so much in the way i did today.
i take you...to be mine...forever...no matter what...even when you have no money and you're sick as a dog...until you're dead.  these words aren't just something fluffy to say while you're in a tux or a white dress.  these are gutwrenching words.  unconditional...wow.
i think many single girls, myself included, get to the "have and hold part" and the keeper of the remote control in our minds pushes pause.  we think that (pardon the cliche) marriage is a fairy tale.  a fairy tale in which your unbelievably gorgeous body builder of a husband will spend all of his time telling you he loves you and how beautiful you are, cuddling with you, and that marriage is...sorry to be graphic...full of endless sex.

i don't speak from experience, but being 27 and not married, i have numerous married friends that tell me quite often how it's not really like that.

i googled "traditional wedding vows" and put two of them together...

I, take you, to be my husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward.  in the presence of God, our family and friends, i offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow.  i take you with all your faults and your strengths as i offer myself to you with my faults and strengths.  i will help you when you need help, and i will turn to you when i need help.  i promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

that's what i want to be able to say.  and when i'm honest about it, i'm not sure i'm ready for that.  yes, i'd like someone to share my life with.  i'd like someone to hang out with on the weekends and i'd like for someone to think i'm beautiful.  but do i even know what love unconditionally means?  that's a tough concept.  unconditional...no matter what...in a (hopefully) completely unselfish union.

yes, i'm single.  i'm 27.  i haven't had a date in 4 years.  and the future isn't looking too promising either.  today, i got a good dose of reality, and i think i'll just sit back and let God grow me a bit more before i join jim and christy on the marriage journey.

2 comments:

Jaime said...

I very much liked your relationship blog. I have been whining quite a bit on my blog so you should join the club. (kidding!)

I may steal, "even when you have no money and you're sick as a dog...until you're dead" into my vows someday.

Jennifer said...

Rulebreaker!