humira

so let's talk about my new medication...it's called humira. you might have seen it's commercial on tv singing it's praises for people with arthritis...it apparently helps people with crohn's as well. now, i'm all for trying new meds. it's a chance for me to feel better. and when dr. farrell told me that it was a shot...a shot i'd have to give myself...i thought, well, it's nothing worse than anything i've already had to do. i've had to drink countless concoctions that make my insides glow for ct scans, i've had to endure many colonoscopies (you're putting WHAT WHERE??). i've endured many very...let's just say "uncomfortable" exams. i've been through several major surgeries. i've had to spend many hours in the cancer center at slu getting 4 hour infusions of remicade. i've been on prednisone, antibiotics, and so many other drugs that i've learned to swallow more than one pill at a time...the current tally is 13 at once...i've had to dress wounds (i won't describe this for the faint of heart...you're welcome.)...and i'm planning on being a nurse.

so needless to say, giving myself a shot would be no deal at all. right?

dr. farrell had given me a dvd and some other info to watch and read to train me on giving this shot. there was a even a practice pen and a happy little phone number i could call to talk to a nurse if i needed to. i watched the dvd, read the material, practiced, and then called the nurse. my dad is a diabetic and i've used his blood sugar tester before. "does it feel like that kind of prick?" i asked. "yes, that's what it will feel like," she answered.

so here's what you do:
you first put an ice pack on the area (either your stomach or your thigh) for a few minutes to numb it. then wipe the area with an alcohol pad, click the pen and hold for 10 seconds.

easy cheese.

i took a deep breath and started in. i held the ice pack to my stomach, wiped with an alcohol pad, put the pen on the area and counted to three...

one, two, three...

this is the part where i should have clicked. i didn't. i just sat there.

i counted again...

one, two, three...

again i didn't click. i laughed.

i started to give myself a pep talk. renee, this will make you feel better! you HAVE to do this! there's no question! you've been through so much more than this! just do it! take some tylenol and suck it up! don't be a baby! don't let this stinkin pen defeat you...just click the flingin flangin pen!!!

deep breath...one, two, three...

i still didn't click. i laughed.

i thought...well, maybe i need some moral support. i called my mom. she counted for me. and again i didn't click. she gave me a similar pep talk to the one i had given myself and counted again. i didn't click the pen and we cracked up.

seriously...this can't be that hard!!

finally, i said, i'm going to get off this phone and call you when i've done it. i turned on my stereo thinking maybe i need some distraction...like that would help or something. i looked at the clock. i'd been trying to click that stinkin stinkin pen for an hour. the shot would have been over in 10 seconds.

i took a huge breath, counted, and I CLICKED THE PEN.

let me tell you what. it does NOT feel like the prick in the blood sugar tester!!!! that nurse LIED!!!!

but it was over. i had done it! i had not been defeated!

my next dose is in two weeks. i WILL be ready!

maybe...